Unintelligent Editing

Ba’al Teshuvas Anonymous is back after a long hiatus with a new post , Unintelligent Editing:

…Have you ever noticed that Yahweh (or sometimes Elohim, depending on the tribe of the author of a particular posuk) spends loads of precious parchment hammering out the details of mitzvahs that were never performed, or that would hardly ever be performed for the vast majority of Jewish history? Strange.

Stranger yet, he completely neglects to mention somewhat important religious topics such as life after death, “heaven”, the “soul”, and my personal favorite- the Oral Law. I mean, if you were going to be fair and give a little due process to all the Jews out there, wouldn’t you think it fair to explicitly spell out the 39 melachos rather than just leave them carefully hidden, waiting for an astute rabbi to come along and “reveal” that the close proximity of the mishkan (tabernacle) parsha was close to the shabbos one? Especially so if the same god sanctions death penalty for infractions involving these sacrosanct melachos). And for God’s sake, don’t wipe up that spill or water a flower on Shabbos!!

Likewise, if God intended to kill women in childbirth for not tithing from challah, kindling shabbos lights, or keeping all sorts of nitpicky laws about niddah (despite the fact that the torah only exhorts men to stay away from women “in their time” i.e., menstuation.) Why not warn them in advance? See, Mishna, Shabbos, Chapter Two, Mishnah Six. Ever notice how god is supposed to be killing mothers-to-be for violating d’rabbunan’s (rabbinical decrees)? How strange. Then again, not so strange perhaps for a god who would kill just about every living thing in the world in the Flood myth, er… parsha because they were “robbers” and the like.

Also, have you ever wondered (in my best Al Franken imitation) why the torah only mentions animals that were native to Mesopotamia? And ditto for geographical locations? I mean, Yahweh/Elohim surely knew all about moose, caribou, giraffes as well as Australia, Antarctica, and North/South America, no? Since he planned Avroham’s children to become “as numerous as the fish in the sea,” it would follow they’d head to new digs elsewhere in the world and would crave understanding. For that matter, Yaweh could have just saved Columbus the uncertainty and just told people to set sail for this vast continent, one with a LOT more milk and honey than mesopotamia. It’s almost as if God were short-sighted, even provincial when he wrote the torah, eh?

Another take: Isn’t it interesting that whenever god actually spells some politically incorrect mitzva or deed out, the rabbis explain it away as virtually irrelevant!? For example, the ben sora amorer (the wicked son who is killed by the beis din for gluttony and alcoholism). The rabbis say it never happened! What a waste of good scroll, when people are clearly thirsting for lots of rules, statutes, ordinances, regulations, dictates, and admonitions about “loshon hora,” the 39 melachos, chometz on pesach [passover], and so on. Same for the woman of beautiful form. We get similar apologetics.…

Feel free to slap some sense into BTA – or agree with him, as the case may be –in the comments section below.

DK chimes in with a parody here.

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7 Comments

Filed under BTs, Religion

7 responses to “Unintelligent Editing

  1. DK

    There was some controversy about BTA’s return, but in the end, we are all very happy he has come back.

  2. “There was some controversy about BTA’s return”

    Controversy, about moi? I prithee thee do tell.

  3. Yochanan Lavie

    I mean, Yahweh/Elohim surely knew all about moose, caribou, giraffes as well as Australia, Antarctica, and North/South America, no? Since he planned Avroham’s children to become “as numerous as the fish in the sea,” it would follow they’d head to new digs elsewhere in the world and would crave understanding. For that matter, Yaweh could have just saved Columbus the uncertainty and just told people to set sail for this vast continent, one with a LOT more milk and honey than mesopotamia.

    According to the midrash, God asked Moshe where would he like the Jews to settle. He meant to say “Canada,” but because he stuttered it came out “Canaan.”

  4. xxx BT

    I was not able to post it on BTA so I will post it here:

    Welcome back,

    I followed you blog but I never posted. At that time I was at the peak of my observance but now I left Orthodoxy completely. But not because of theological reasons (though, the old Godol Hador had some influence) but because of more mundane things.

    My wife decided that she wants to wear pants and to let her hair shown, so my keruv guy called her and he was very mean to her. My wife has balls (probably more than me) and she answered him back.

    Then he called me and demanded that I would divorce her. I had no plans of divorcing her and getting visitation rights to my son .

    So we just cut off any contact with them and tried to have normal life. (again)

    Two observations; It is a baloney that keeping Nidha laws will result in better sex life. We have much better sex now when we do not keep it.

    The only thing I am missing is Shabbath, it was so great when I had 25 hours when we were isolated from the outside world. It was only my wife, my son, and me.

    But all in all, for me, living a normal happy life is worth everything.

  5. why couldn’t you post on my site?? hmm. Well, I’ll just copy and paste your post here in the comments. Thanks for sharing. I would like to discuss further. That Rabbi confirms my worst fears about kiruv clowns. I had a kiruv idiot try to discourage me from marrying my wife until after yeshiva when I’d have “much better selection.”(!) What an ass. I still stupidly went to yeshiva after marriage, but the marriage is great and OJ is way at the bottom of the totem pole.

    please email me.

  6. Yochanan Lavie

    xxxBT: Become Conservative. You can keep shabbat w/o all the bullshit (I do). Why throw out the baby w/the bathwater?

    Judaism has been replaced by a brand-new religion: “all-or-nothingism” (also know as “not-themism,” them= Gentiles). I like the old-time religion better.

  7. Neo-Conservaguy

    “But all in all, for me, living a normal happy life is worth everything.”

    …something that is certainly available to you if you choose to associate with a Jewish community that doesn’t require you to choose between faith, commitment, and rational progression of halacha. It’s a shame so many people swing the pendulum so hard in either direction without landing in the rational middle. Mikva can be a wonderful mitsva to fulfill for a married woman if you strip away the disturbing point of view of a woman during her “period” kept by some Jews.

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