Category Archives: SATIRE

A New Yorker Cartoon We Would Like To See

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More here.

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Chabad’s 13 Principles Of Faith

CHABAD’S THIRTEEN PRINCIPLES OF FAITH:

1. I believe with perfect faith that G-d is the Creator and the Rebbe, shlit’a the Ruler of all things. Together as One, in Unity, they alone have made, do make, and will make all things. Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

2. I believe with perfect faith that the Rebbe, shlit"a and G-d are One. There is no unity that is in any way like this. They alone are our G-d.  He was, He is, and He will be. Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

3. I believe with perfect faith that G-d does not have a body except for the Rebbe, Shlit"a. Physical concepts do not apply to Him. There is nothing whatsoever that resembles Him at all, except the Rebbe, shlit"a (and maybe the previous Rebbe). Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

4. I believe with perfect faith that the Rebbe is the seventh and last. Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

5. I believe with perfect faith that it is only proper to pray to G-d. One may not pray to anyone or anything else (except the Rebbe, shlit’a). Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

6. I believe with prefect faith that all the words of the Rebbes and prophets are true. Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

7. I believe with perfect faith that the prophecy of Moses is absolutely true. He was the chief of all prophets, both before and after him, except for the Rebbe, shlit"a, whose prophecy is higher and who is, Himself, higher than Moses. Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

8. I believe with perfect faith that the entire Torah that we now have is that which was given to Moses. This includes the Tanya and other works of Chabad chassidus, which were given to Moses but kept hidden because of our sins until our Rebbes revealed them. Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

9. I believe with perfect faith that this Torah will not be changed, and that there will never be another given by G-d, until the Messianic Era, where G-d and the Rebbe, shlit"a will reveal a new Torah to us. Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

10. I believe with perfect faith that the Rebbe, shlit"a knows all of man’s deeds and thoughts. It is thus written (Psalm 33:15), "He has molded every heart together, He understands what each one does." Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

11. I believe with perfect faith that the Rebbe, shlit"a rewards those who do His mivtzoyim, and punishes those who do not. Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

12. I believe with perfect faith in the revelation of the Rebbe, shlit"a, King Messiah. How ever long this takes, I will publicize His coming every day with large signs, billboards and flags. Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

13. I believe with perfect faith that the dead will be brought back to life when the Rebbe, shlit"a (who is still Himself alive although we do not see Him because of our sins) wills it to happen. Yechi Adonaynu Moraynu v’Rabaynu Melech HaMoshiach L’Olam Vo’ed!

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Filed under Chabad Theology, SATIRE

Rabbis Dance To Nirvana

Rabbis dance to Nirvana. Is that Rav Shteinman in the front row? Pretty hip for a guy who didn’t know how a credit card works.

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Berel Lazar In His Youth

Lazar_putin_stalin_spoof

[How Chabad sold out democracy to win control of Russia.]

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Filed under Court Jews & Quislings, SATIRE

Gedolim Color War, The Threequel – Barney Must Die!

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Filed under Haredim, Jewish Leadership, Rabbi Slifkin Book Ban, SATIRE

New Lakewood Rap

Rap For Gil Student
(Heard just this week around Lakewood and Boro Park.)

What you gonna’ do
when Rabbi Belsky flips?
When Rabbi Willig hides
and Rabbi Schachter schvites?

You gonna’ tear your coat?
You gonna’ wear sackcloth and ashes?
You gonna’ take Slifkin’s books
and dump ’em in the trashes?

You gonna say you’re sorry?
You gonna’ crawl in da’ snow?
You gonna’ close your blog?
You gonna’ say you don’t know?

We spit you out
We step on your glory
No matter how black the hat
you’re still an M.O. whore-y.

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Gedolim Color War – The Sequel!

_gedolim_color_war_sequel

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Filed under Rabbi Slifkin Book Ban, SATIRE